The more I think about it, the more I consider myself anti-social. I feel most comfortable when I’m alone. Going days without leaving my house or speaking to anyone doesn’t bother me. Silence is only awkward because of others expectations, not because I feel awkward. Making conversation or small talk is a chore.

While growing up, I was always a shy kid. I was even shy around family I knew, but didn’t see all that often. For instance, I had an uncle, aunt, and cousins who live about an hour away. We’d see them maybe 5-6 times a year so it was never more than a few months in between. It’s not like these people were strangers. Still, every time we pulled up to their house, I felt a slight tinge of anxiety.

In high school, the most socially awkward time in one’s life, the biggest social anxiety problem I had was giving talks in Speech class or dancing with a girl for the first time at a dance. Most everyone else was the same way. I also never felt like I was part of any clique and had friends in all the major ones (jocks, nerds, goths, etc.).

College was relatively the same as high school in terms of befriending new people. Though I think it was in college that I started to become increasingly critical of others. As a customer service rep for a major broadband supplier in the US, for the first time, I was introduced to a large number of people outside the world I had become familiar with. I can remember sitting in my cube one evening and having the realization that the world was collectively a whole lot dumber than I could have imagined. Sure, I had met stupid and ignorant people in my life before. What I didn’t realize was how many of them there are on this planet. It felt a little like Luke Wilson’s character in Idiocray after he wakes up in the future and figures out that he’s the smartest person alive.

Then again, maybe I’m just an overly critical, pre-judgmental asshole who needs to stop selfishly thinking he knows how the world should be. I’m going to go back in my hole now.